A Lack of Color
by Sarah11650
Summary: Four years after graduation, everything's changing. People have come and gone from Tree Hill. Marriages have ended while others have begun. An unlikely friendship between Nathan and Rachel has formed over the years, will they grow closer or be torn apart?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Nathan stared out at the dingy basketball court that he'd spent the past four years playing on. It had been like a dream to have Whitey as a couch again, and to have his brother at his side, even if only as another couch. But, four years had come and gone, and with them had come more change than Nathan had ever before experienced.

The first few months of basketball on this court had been like they'd always been for Nathan, more important than almost anything else. But as time wore on, Nathan grew and changed, and so did his dream of playing basketball.

He had different dreams now; they were centered on his son and his friends and family. Around finding the right career, and maybe, if he was lucky, find another women he thought he could spend his life with.

Both times that Nathan Scott had professed his undying love for Haley James; he'd never in a million years dreamed that their marriage would fall apart. And both times, it had.

They'd been divorced for two and half years now. At first it was hard, almost unbearable, to be alone. But it had been the right choice. Things had changed after high school. Things came into play that they'd never considered as young kids in love. Money, school, work, parenting and life were all factors that neither had been prepared for.

After 2 years of giving everything they had to make it work, they'd made the joint decision to separate and eventually divorce. They'd remained friends and rarely disagreed on the parenting of their young son, for whose custody they shared.

But Haley had decided to pursue her musical career again in the wake of their split, and took to traveling more and more. She was an excellent mother, and Nathan knew his son was in fabulous hands with her, but it was gut wrenching for him to only see his son one week out of every month.

Right now, it was the last day of that week. He smiled as his four year old dribbled the ball down the old court, losing control of it every now and than, and chasing it down in a fit of giggles.

"Daddy! Look at me!" He laughed, raising the ball above his head and attempting to shoot it.

"I see, bud. Come here, let me help." He jogged towards his boy and lifted him up high in the air, so that he could sink a basket.

"He's definitely a Scott!" a voice said behind them.

"That's our last name Aunt Rachel! I am a Stott." James grinned proudly.

Nathan laughed. "You mean, Scott."

"That's what I said! Stott." James said, frustrated.

"That's right Jamie, I heard you." Rachel said, winking at the boy.

Nathan lifted James off of his shoulders and sighed.

"We should probably head outside, bud. Mom'll be here any minute." He said, grabbing James' bags off of the bleachers.

"Say goodbye to Aunt Rachel."

James ran full speed at her, almost knocking her over as her wrapped his tiny arms around her legs in a tight hug.

"Bye, Rachel. I'll miss you." James said, smiling up at her.

"Bye, Jamie. We'll see you again in no time. Be good for your mom." Rachel said, pushing his dark hair off of his forehead and kissing it.

Nathan grabbed James' hand and led him towards the door. He turned back to face Rachel.

"You just going to wait in here?" He asked and she nodded, taking a seat on the bleachers.

"Don't want Haley getting the wrong idea," she said, flashing him a grin.

Nathan rolled his eyes, taking his son outside to meet his mother.

**--- **

Rachel pulled into the parking lot outside of Nathan's apartment and turned off her car. They sat in silence for a long time before she finally spoke.

"I know how hard today is, Nate. But he'll be back in a few weeks. They'll fly by, I promise." She said, putting her hand on his shoulder.

He nodded, staring out the window of the car, making no motion to get out.

"Are you going to come up?" He asked, finally turning to face her.

"It makes sense, I mean, the dinner party is in a few hours."

Rachel groaned.

"Okay first of all, tell me again why you are meeting with these corporate douche bags? You are SO not the black tie kind of guy, Nathan. And second of all, how on Earth did I get roped into going with you?" Rachel questioned, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Well, to answer question number one, this job pays. I need the money, Rach. I'm not going to play pro ball, that's apparent, and I can't live in this place forever." He said, gesturing towards the small apartment in front of him.

"Plus, I'd love to have money to travel. Maybe see James more."

She nodded, understanding.

"And two, the invite said, 'Nathan Scott and Guest.' I need the moral support and it's not like I have an abundance of female friends." He reasoned, giving her a toothy grin.

"I mean, I'd totally take Peyton, but you know how Lucas gets when I pretend I'm dating his wife."

Rachel rolled her eyes, getting out of the car and grabbing her black dress and heels from the backseat.

"Yeah, yeah. Well, at least tell me it's an open bar." She said, giving him a pointed look as she followed him upstairs to his apartment.

"Trust me, it's an open bar." He called over his shoulder as he unlocked the door.

"Do you really think I'd invite you if it wasn't?" He teased, sticking his tongue out at her.

"Shut up! I'm an excellent date! Your future bosses are going to love me. Heh, for all you know, they might just hire me instead of you!" She smirked, following him inside.

"Riiiight. Because bartending at Oliver's is considered excellent work experience these days." He jabbed, flopping down on the couch.

"Ouch. I'm wounded. I guess somebody doesn't want free drinks anymore…" She threatened, sitting down in Nathan's lazy boy, and inspecting her nails.

Nathan laughed.

"You know I'm kidding, Rach. I've been working on cars with Luke for weeks trying to pay the bills. It's nothing glamorous, trust me."

"I know, I just, it's not like I enjoy working there, Nathan." She said, twisting her dark hair around her finger.

"Don't get me wrong, it was fun the first year or so after high school, but getting groped by drunk old men is so not my thing."

"Really? When did that change?" He teased.

"I'm going to kill you!" She growled, lunging towards him.

He dodged her and ran around the couch, laughing as she chased him.

"Come on, Rachel, quit chasing me! I'll have to tell your boyfriends down at the bar!" He laughed, jumping over his counter to get away from her.

"Oh, you think you are just SO funny, don't you?" She hissed, staring at him from the other side of the counter, anticipating his next move.

Nathan faked right and went left.

But Rachel had anticipated this. After all, he'd done it the past four years on the basketball court, and she and Peyton had rarely missed a game.

She tackled him to the ground, sitting on his stomach and holding his wrists down above his head.

"You… take… that… back…" She panted as she struggled to hold him down.

Nathan was laughing so hard he could barely breathe.

"I'm… sorry-,"

She started to loosen her grip a little.

"- I never knew you were so kinky!" He laughed, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

She raised her arm to smack him and he caught it, flipping her over and tickling her.

"You love old men… and you love our kinky tickling matches… just admit it!!" He laughed as he continued to tickle her sides, sitting on top of her.

She was laughing and squirming beneath him, trying hard not to give in like she always did.

"Nathan, stop!" she whined, smacking him in the chest as she continued to squirm away from him.

"EHHHH! I'm sorry, that's not the phrase we're looking for!" He smirked, continuing to tickle her relentlessly.

"FINE! Nathan Scott is the sexiest man alive!" She yelled, rolling away from him and gasping for breathe as he finally let her go.

He leaned back against the counter, laughing at her and enjoying his victory.

"I'm going to go jump in the shower, try not to miss me too much." He chuckled, smacking her stomach as he got up.

She glared at him from the floor.

**--- **

"Is it me, or do you suddenly feel like we're not in Kansas anymore?" She whispered, clutching Nathan's arm fearfully as they hovered in the doorway staring in at all the finely dressed, bourgeoisies in front of them.

Nathan swallowed hard, and than began a nervous ramble.

"There are… so many tables, how do we know which one's ours? I don't know how I'm supposed to find Mr. Larsen, I've only met him once and it was brief. I mean sure, we talked on the phone, but I'm not a good voice judge I-,"

"Nathan! Can it." She interrupted, dragging him towards the nearby coat closet.

"What we _need_ is a game plan." She reasoned, sticking her head out the door and getting a lay of the land.

"Okay, got it." She said, patting his shoulder and starting off towards the main room.

"Hey, hey, hey! Where are you going, what's the plan? You said you had it!" He hissed through clenched teeth, looking around nervously.

"Yeah, I have _mine_. It's long, rectangular about 30 feet from where we're standing, and it's about to help me forget where I am." She said happily, staring at the bar across the room.

"Well, that doesn't really help ME, Rach!" He bit back, loosening his collar as he started to sweat.

She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, calm down. Here's what you need to do; see that table over there in the center of the room?" She asked quietly, gesturing to it with her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah I see it." He said nodding.

"Good. It's got five guys old enough to be our grandparents. That's clearly where you need to be. You said Mr. Larsen was retiring in a year? Well-,"

She paused to watch one of the older gentlemen cough loudly and wheeze as he tried to regain his breathe.

"-I'd say those guys could retire any minute now." Rachel whispered, her face expressing mild disgust.

"Just head over there and start talking. Act like you're talking to Larsen. Throw his name out there a few times, and I'm sure he'll recognize you and be the first to respond."

"Okay… What if he doesn't? What if he's in the bathroom? Or worse! What if that's not even his table?" Nathan asked, panicked again.

"Well, than you can meet me at the bar and I'll order you something strong." She said, patting him on the back before making her way across the room to the bar.

Nathan plastered a fake smile on his face and grabbed a flute of champagne off of a moving tray and swallowed it down.

"Here goes nothing…" He muttered, making his way towards the aforementioned table.

Admittedly, walking up to a table full of strangers and spontaneously starting a conversation with them had been one of the most terrifying moments of Nathan's adult life. But, Rachel had been right, and in minutes he was seated at the table going over his credentials with Mr. Larsen.

"Well, son, for someone who spent the majority of his young life focusing on athletics, your college marks are not unimpressive! Plus, your grandfather put in a good word for you. You'll have to come golfing with us…"

Nathan found it hard to pay attention to Mr. Larsen as he rambled on about the ins and outs of advertising and golfing with Royal Scott. Glancing over his future boss's shoulder, Nathan had to bite his lip hard to keep from laughing when he caught site of Rachel.

Sipping on what must have been her third Long Island Iced-T, Rachel was currently being talking up by a very large red-faced man, who seemed to think she was enjoying their conversation as much as he was.

Every so often, when the man turned to grab a handful of nuts from the communal bowl, Rachel would roll her eyes dramatically and look around the room, as if planning her escape.

"-So really son, I don't see any reason why you can't just break in your desk next week!" Mr. Larsen exclaimed, with a smile.

"Really sir? That's fantastic! I won't let you down, I really need this job." Nathan admitted, shaking the older man's hand.

"It's nothing, son. Now, sit back and enjoy the party! Food should be out in a minute." Mr. Larsen said, turning to face a man sitting to his left.

Nathan took this opportunity to excuse himself, and head towards the bar. He could tell the red-faced man was about to go in for the kill and ask for Rachel's number. She on the other hand, had started on her fourth drink and seemed much more fascinated by her straw than the sweating creature in front of her.

"Hun, I got the job! Isn't that fantastic?" Nathan called out, swooping Rachel into an overdramatic hug.

"This is really going to help us pay off those wedding bills!" he grinned cheesily, kissing the corner of Rachel's mouth.

"I'm sorry, this is your wife? I didn't see a ring…" The large man stated suspiciously, looking down at Rachel's left hand.

"Hun!" Nathan chastised, placing his hands on his hips in a jovial manner. "Did you forget to put your rings back on after your shower? You always do that!" Nathan chuckled, pulling a confused Rachel into his chest.

"She's just always doing that!" He repeated to the man, laughing as if it was just the funniest thing he'd ever heard of.

The man continued to give them a wary look, as if waiting for the tipsy girl he'd spent half the night with to suddenly announce that she didn't know this so called "husband," and only wanted him.

Finally, he took the hint and slunk off in a huff. Abruptly, Nathan let go of Rachel and ordered himself a vodka tonic.

"You're welcome." He smirked, sipping his drink.

Rachel, who had flopped back down onto her barstool and grabbed her drink, gave him a withering stare.

"Took you slong enough! I've been sending you signals for HOURS." She exaggerated, her speech slightly slurred.

Nathan chuckled. "Hours, huh? Well, in the past _hour_, while you've been getting yourself nice and hammered, I've been getting myself a shiny new job." He said with a proud smile, realizing she'd probably taken his earlier admission as part of the act.

"What! Thasgreat, Nathan!" She yelped, going in for a hug and stumbling a little.

Nathan steadied her with his arm and ordered himself another drink. "Guess I better catch up, huh? No more work tonight." He grinned, grabbing his drink and paying the bartender.

"Come on, let's get some food in you, boozy." He joked, leading her towards their table.

**--- **

"No, no, nooo! The best part was when you assed Mr. Larsen to dance!" Nathan slurred, cracking up.

"What WAS that?" He cried, trying to catch his breath.

Rachel tilted her head back and laughed out loud.

"It was a good song! Besides, it's not like my DATE was going to dance with me." She pouted, slurring her words together.

"Thas because your date was trying his hardest not to look as shitted as he really was." Nathan said, over enunciating.

Rachel smiled happily when the cab pulled up outside Nathan's apartment.

"Ta da! Home sweet home!" She grinned, spreading her arms wide and almost smacking Nathan in the face with the heels she held in her left hand.

Nathan paid the cab driver and stumbled towards the stairs after Rachel.

Rachel rested the back of her head against the wall, closing her eyes and smiling drunkenly as Nathan fiddled with his keys.

"I like night time." She said, thoughtfully, her eyes still close.

Nathan smiled triumphantly as he unlocked the door and than turned his attention to Rachel.

"Why's that?" He asked, leaning against the doorframe, waiting for her to move.

"Everything's more peaceful." She whispered, opening her eyes slightly and looking at him.

He nodded.

"Come on in, Rach. You can't drive home like this." He said softly, grabbing onto her arm when she stumbled.

He moved backwards through his apartment, attempting to guide her towards the couch; but in his own drunkenness, stumbled into his kitchen counter, causing her body to crash clumsily into his chest.

They laughed, quietly.

"Sorry…" He whispered, his voice husky and smelling of vodka. His mouth inches from hers.

"S'okay…" She murmured, her hand gripping the fabric of his dress shirt in an effort to stay standing.

He inched his mouth closer to hers, intoxicated by her scent. A mixture of vanilla, coconut and liquor that only grew stronger the closer he got.

"What're you doing?" she questioned, her voice so quiet that he wouldn't have heard her if his face hadn't been inches from hers.

He didn't answer though, instead choosing to press his lips against hers in a chaste kiss, cupping her head with his right hand, and holding the small of her back with his left.

Caught off guard, it took her a few seconds to respond before her lips parted, giving way to his tongue.

Their movements were frantic and clumsy as Nathan struggled to undo his tie and walk Rachel backwards into his bedroom, without ever breaking their kiss.

Sitting down on the edge of his bed, she struggled to regulate her breathing as he lifted his dress shirt over his head, exposing his bare chest. Slipping his fingers under the straps of her dress, he slowly pushed them down her arms, guiding her to a standing position and letting the black material fall to the floor.

His eyelids were hooded and his vision foggy as he stared at Rachel. Even in his drunken haze, he knew this was different. He'd never seen Rachel like this before, practically naked in front of him.

He felt something against his chest, and looked down to see Rachel tracing the scar from his accident with her fingertips. Her eyes gazed at it intently, curiously.

"It's old." He whispered, placing his hands on her hips, and pushing her gently backwards.

"Doesn't hurt anymore…"

She nodded, looking back up at him, her eyes glazed over.

She fumbled for his belt buckle and was able to unfasten it with only minor difficulty, tossing it to the side before she unzipped his pants.

He kicked them off furiously, and their movements became frenzied again in their quest to expose more skin. He peppered kisses down her collar bone, whilst unsnapping her bra and slipping it off.

She moaned as he traced one of her nipples with his tongue, his hand slipping between her legs and sliding off her black lacy thong.

His arousal pressed hard against her thigh through his boxers and she fumbled for the waistband, pushing them down off of his hips.

He moved his finger inside of her, feeling her hips buck against his hand and hearing her whimpers in his ear, pleading for more.

"Are you sure, Rach?" He slurred, wanting confirmation more than anything.

She nodded, her breath hitching in her throat as she moaned in pleasure.

He shuddered, not sure how much longer he could hold out. He grappled for his side drawer, searching aimlessly in the dark until he fond what he was looking for. Tearing the wrapper open with his teeth, he slid the condom over his hard cock. In the dark room he caught her gaze before he buried himself inside of her.

**--- **

Nathan squeezed his eyes shut tight, rubbing his forehead in an effort to calm the merciless pounding in his skull. '_How much had he had to drink?'_ He thought, rolling over clumsily, to shut off his alarm. His heart stopped when he felt something – _someone_ - soft and warm lying next to him.

Nathan swallowed, keeping his eyes closed. '_What happened last night? Banquet with Rachel, new job, drinks with Rachel, cab ride home with Rachel… Rachel?' _Nathan cautiously opened his eyes and confirmed his suspicions.

Sleeping next to him, naked, with a mess of dark unruly hair splayed across his pillow, was Rachel.

'_Crap.'_

Nathan carefully inched away from her, holding his breathe and praying that she wouldn't wake up.

Stumbling into his clothes, still a little drunk from the night before, Nathan searched for his car keys. He had to get out of there. He couldn't face her, - _this._

Rachel was one of his best friends. They didn't do this. They didn't have sex.

_Fuck._

He couldn't just leave her. He clutched his thick hair with his fingers and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to think.

Finally he opted for a note.

Grabbing a sheet of computer paper and a pen, he jotted down a few words and left it on the pillow where he'd been minutes before.

_Went out. Help yourself to whatever._

_-Nate_

He took one last look at her sleeping form and left her there, in his own apartment.

---

_**Please review!**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note: Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I flove you all and I hope you'll keep reading! And if I get any knew readers, please tell me what you think! It's hard to write when people don't review.**

**Warning: This chapter contains sexual violence.**

**--- **

"I don't understand why it's such a big deal, anyways." Peyton said, carefully removing the olive from her martini glass with her teeth. "You're both hot, and _strangely_ single, why shouldn't you get together?"

Rachel rolled her eyes as she opened two beer bottles.

"We – Nathan and I – are not like that. Just because you ran down the aisle at twenty, and now want to live life as an unattached 22 year old vicariously through me, doesn't mean you get to pick who I date." Rachel smirked, turning to place the beers in front of two men in business suits.

"Hey, I'm not trying to pick who you date, but Nathan is cute. If I wasn't married, I might date him. Who would have ever thought he'd be on the market again!" Peyton grinned, wiggling her eyebrows.

Rachel made a mental note to cut Peyton off.

"Peyton, you _did_ date Nathan. And anyways, it's not like I'm not looking for that right person. I know he is too, we just…" Rachel sighed. "He's pretty much my best friend now –,"

Peyton gave her a look.

"- Besides you!" She said quickly.

"I just need him in my life, and this _thing,_ whatever it was that happened, it's coming between us. We never hangout anymore, or talk, and he never picks up when I call. He just texts me later with some excuse."

Peyton nodded, grabbing Rachel's hand from across the bar.

"It'll be okay, Rachel. He'll come around. If I know Nathan – and I do know Nathan – he's just as confused by the whole thing as you are. He just needs space to figure it out." Peyton soothed.

"I hope so." She took a deep breath.

"But you know what, that's enough talk about him. I have you here tonight to keep me company, and as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't get much better than that." She grinned, winking at her friend.

"_Hey sexy, can we get a round of shots over here!"_

Rachel clenched her teeth to keep herself from rolling her eyes and forced a fake smile.

"Sure, boys. What're you having?" She asked, flirtatiously. If she played her cards right, these frat boys would tip her good.

"Whiskey, baby." One of them slurred bringing his face close to hers as he said it and placing a twenty in her bra. "Keep the change."

Rachel bit her cheek, resisting the urge to sock this guy in the face.

Instead, she smiled at him and removed the twenty from her bra, placing it in her back pocket.

"Coming right up, sweetie." She drawled, grabbing a bottle of Jack Daniels and lining up shot glasses in front of them. In a fluid motion she filled them, barely spilling a drop.

"Enjoy." She smirked, wiping her hands on a towel and making her way back over to Peyton.

"I just love the diversity of your clientele." Peyton said dryly, looking between the bumbling frat boys – who were still high-fiving each other over the 'twenty in the bra' move – and the middle aged guys in business suits who looked dead inside.

"Yeah, what can I say? I'm a lucky girl." Rachel joked, pulling her tips out of her back pocket and counting them.

"Money's good, though." She grinned placing the wad of bills in her purse. "And who knows how much longer that'll be the case, I'm getting old, Peyton. Not going to look like this forever." She said, grimacing.

"Rachel, you're twenty two. I think you'll be okay. But have you even looked into anything else? You did go to school, after all." Peyton reminded.

"A two year community college. That's all I could afford after my beloved parents cut me off." She muttered.

"Well, it's a business degree. It's standard, but it has a lot of options. Look into it, Rachel. For me." Peyton said warmly, placing a twenty in front of Rachel and grabbing her purse. "Luke is swinging by to grab me. He should be here any minute."

Rachel grabbed the money and shook her head. "Hey, no way. Those drinks were on me." She insisted, holding the money out to Peyton.

Peyton shook her head and smiled. "Keep it. Are you going to be okay getting home?" She asked.

Rachel nodded. "My shift is over at eleven. I have my car."

"Okay, drive safe. I'll call you tomorrow or something, it's your day off right?"

"Yeah, give me a call." Rachel said, waving goodbye to her friend as she wiped down the bar.

**---**

Rachel yawned, tugging on her jacket and grabbing her purse. After spending four hours with a bunch of screaming frat boys, she was exhausted and couldn't wait to get home.

"Bye, Bill." She called out on her way out the door. Bill was her boss. He stayed behind after the bartender went home and made sure to clear everyone out.

Stepping outside into the cool night air, Rachel took a deep breath. It was refreshing to breath something other than cigar smoke and alcohol. Leaning up against the wall by the backdoor of the bar, Rachel pulled out her phone and texted Nathan.

'_I thought you were gonna stop by tonight?'_

Receiving no response after a few minutes she sighed, placing her phone back in her purse she started to make her way to the parking lot a few blocks down.

Oliver's was always so busy that Rachel's boss had asked her to park down the street by the flower shop, leaving the parking lot open to paying customers.

Rachel's phone beeped as she walked and she flipped it open quickly, hoping it was Nathan texting her back.

_'Lucas thinks he's getting lucky tonight because I'm drunk. – Peyton'_

Rachel started to type a response when Peyton texted her again.

_'I told him he was the one who was drunk. LOL. – Peyton'_

Rachel laughed.

_'You bitch!'_ She texted back.

_'We're waiting until I start ovulating. It's a system. Why am I the only one following the system?! – Peyton'_

_'Because you're the only one who keeps track of shit like that, you crazy person. Just have sex with him. Besides, the more you do it, the more chance you have of getting pregnant.'_ She responded.

_'God help him, he put on 'Maybe Tomorrow.' This is so pathetic. Now I have to do it. I'll call you tomorrow. – Peyton'_

_'LOL. Okay, love you.'_ She wrote back, closing her phone.

She was just about to her car when she heard a noise behind her. Turning around, she squinted into the darkness, but didn't see anything.

Sighing, she started walking again.

After a few seconds, she heard it again. Footsteps.

"Hello?" She called out, turned around again.

"Hey." A man's voice said.

Rachel turned to see a man in a suit approaching her. She recognized him from the bar.

"Oh, hi. I served you tonight right?" She asked, relieved she wasn't being followed by some weirdo.

"Yeah, yeah. Listen, I don't really know my way around here. I was wondering if you could help me find my car?" The man said nervously, shoving his hands into his pockets and smiling at Rachel.

Rachel nodded. She knew what it was like to be new in town.

"Sure, where do you think you parked? Anything look familiar?"

The man scratched the back of his head and looked around. Finally he pointed between two buildings.

"I think I walked through that alley to meet my buddy after work. He's the one who told me about Oliver's; wasn't much for directions though." He said with a nervous laugh.

Rachel gave him a curious look.

"Sorry I, I've had a few, and it's not often you have to suck it up and ask a pretty girl for directions. Men are supposed to be able to find their way. It's some sort of man-code." He explained, rubbing the back of his neck.

Rachel laughed softly.

"It's okay. My car's pretty close by to where I think you're referring to. I'll walk you."

He smiled gratefully at her, and the two made their way towards the alley, Rachel leading the way.

Submerged in the darkness between the buildings Rachel was almost glad she had someone to talk to.

"So I'm sorry, what is it that you- Y'know, I don't think I caught what your name was." She said, turning around to face him, and almost falling over when she smacked straight into his chest. She hadn't realized how close behind her he'd been.

He grabbed her to steady her.

"That's because I didn't give it." He whispered.

Rachel took a step back when the guys hands didn't immediately leave her hips.

"Listen, I don't know what you're thinking, but I'm seeing someone." She lied.

He closed the gap between them.

"No. No, I don't think you are. I heard you talking to your friend. You said you're single." He brought his mouth down close to her ear, licking the side of her face. "I'm single too."

Rachel put her hands on his chest and pushed him away.

"Get off me!" She hissed, wiping at her face in disgust. She started to walk away but felt a strong hand grab her arm, jerking her backwards and slamming her into the side of one of the buildings.

The man grabbed her chin roughly with one hands, and continued to squeeze her wrist with the other, pinning her to the wall.

"You're not going anywhere, tease." He spat, his eyes burning into her.

Rachel struggled against him, kneeing him between his legs. He double over in pain and she tried to get away.

He growled angrily, grabbing her ankle and causing her to fall down hard on the pavement. Crawling over her, he pinned her hands above her head.

"You are one fucked up bitch." He hissed. "You're lucky I like it rough."

He kissed her hard and without feeling, pinning her hands above her head with one hand, he used the other to rip open her jeans.

Rachel screamed, kicking her legs furiously.

"No!" She cried. "Stop it!" Her voice was frantic, panicked.

"Shut up, Rachel." He growled, placing his hand over her mouth.

She bit him.

"Fuck! You bitch." He yelled, rearing back and punching her in the face.

Rachel choked on a sob. She could taste blood in her mouth and feel it trickling down from her nose, which was now gushing.

"I know bitches like you. Yeah, I do. You make a guy think he's so great, you tell him he can have everything and you take it away!" he screamed, ripping off his belt.

"Well, I'm done being treated like a nothing. I'm done getting LEFT. This is going to happen, right now!" He spat, pulling her pants down her legs.

"Please stop… please, no." She sobbed, coughing as some of her own blood went down her throat. Tears were streaming down her face.

The man ignored her, pulling down his pants and spreading her legs.

"Don't scream." He warned, suddenly eerily calm. He jammed his jacket into her mouth, muffling her cries.

Rachel tried to imagine she was anywhere but there. She tried to imagine she was with Nathan. She'd take the awkwardness. She wished she were anywhere but here. She wished she were with anyone, doing anything else. But she wasn't. She was in the middle of an alley, thirty feet from her car, and she was being raped.

When he was done, he calmly zipped up his pants, not even bothering to look at her. His anger was gone; he looked almost robotic, like he had earlier at the bar, dead inside. He bent down and retrieved his jacket from her mouth where it was gagging her.

She coughed, gasping for air, and rolled onto her side, trying to crawl away from him.

He was standing there watching her.

After a moment, he closed the gap between them, standing above her.

She looked up at him, fear in her eyes. Afraid he hadn't had enough.

With one last look, he kicked her in the back of the head, knocking her unconscious.

**---**

_'I thought you were gonna stop by tonight? - Rachel'_

Nathan sighed, looking at the text message again. He was currently sitting in his car, parked a few spaces down from Rachel. He looked over at her Denali and glanced at his watch.

"What the hell, Rach…" He muttered. She'd sent that text over thirty minutes ago. It was only a ten minute walk from here to Oliver's, and that was if you were going at a snails pace.

He'd decided last minute that he couldn't put off talking to Rachel any longer, and had decided to honor her request to meet up tonight. But as he drove to the bar, he'd realized she was probably already clocked out for the night, and he'd decided to try to catch her at her car.

Glancing at his watch again, Nathan heaved a frustrated sigh and opened his car door. Pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, he placed one between his lips and took out his cell phone.

Lighting his cigarette he took a deep drag and exhaled it into the night. Walking casually around the parking lot, he dialed Rachel's number and pressed the phone to his ear.

After a few rings her answering machine picked up.

_'Hey, this is Rachel! Sorry I can't come to the phone right now. Leave a message and I'll call you back if you're worth it!'_

"Hey, Rach, it's me. I know you wanted to talk tonight and I'm really sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I know things have been weird, that's my fault. But I do want to talk; I'm waiting by your car. So I don't know what you're doing but get your ass back here. Later."

Nathan closed his phone and took another drag of his cigarette, stopping to lean up against her familiar car.

Nathan was about to give up and go home when he heard the unmistakable beep of Rachel's phone. It was telling her she had a new message.

Nathan froze. It was close. Not in the car, close. But close.

Nathan walked towards where he'd heard the sound. Biting his lip, he called her again.

_'Hey, this is Rachel! Sorry I can't come to the phone right now. Leave a message and I'll call you back if you're worth it!'_

"Hey, it's me again. You need to call me back, okay?"

Nathan closed his phone, and placed it in his pocket. Dropping his cigarette to the ground, he held his breathe, listening.

He heard it again; it was coming from that alley a few feet away. Nathan's stomach dropped. Why would Rachel's phone be in that alley?

He jogged towards it; maybe she'd just dropped her phone. She'd kill him if he didn't get it for her.

The alleyway was dark, much darker than the street, and Nathan had to strain his eyes to see.

Flicking his lighter he dragged his eyes across pavement, searching for the phone.

"Come on, I know it's in here. She must have dropped it she-,'

Nathan gasped when he saw her. He felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach; he couldn't breathe.

"Rach!" He cried, dropping to his knees by her side.

Her face was covered in blood and bruises were beginning to form along her pale neck and arms.

He quickly felt for a pulse, cradling her head in his hand and placing it on his lap. He gasped in relief when he felt one.

He grappled for his phone he had to call 911.

_"911. Please state your emergency."_

Nathan struggled to speak.

"M-my friend, she's hurt! I don't know, I don't know what happened. I found her – she's in this alley – she's bleeding and she's unconscious!" Nathan cried, gently stroking Rachel's hair.

_'Sir, please describe her injuries. We've tracked your call, an ambulance is on the way."_

"I – she-," Nathan stuttered, looking over her body. He felt his heart stop when his eyes moved past her waist. Her pants were down; there was blood between her legs. How had he not noticed that before?

Nathan felt bile rise in his throat and he swallowed hard to keep from vomiting.

"She's been raped." He hissed, tears stinging in his eyes.

Closing his phone, Nathan could hear sirens in the distance. He placed his fist into his mouth and let out a strangled cry, tears escaped quickly from beneath his closed eyelids.

He held her close, rocking them back and forth on the cold pavement.

**------**

**_Please review and tell me what you think! - Sarah_**


	3. Chapter 3

**I want to thank everybody who reviewed! It really means a lot to me, and totally helps me write! **

**Ambinator, Kayla, Christina, and Alex! 3 Flove you guys, thanks for the input and compliments.**

**And of course my readers who I don't know: setherfan91, brilliant brunette, duckygirl, Daniella Consuela, ZakiaR, Rejobu, and ILoveJamesLafferty, I hope you keep reading and reviewing!**

**Enjoy the next chapter 3**

**---**

**Chapter 3**

Nathan sat emotionless in the waiting room of the ER, staring straight ahead at the wall. Shapes and colors from the generic painting in front of him blurred as he forgot to blink.

He rubbed at his eyes wearily, breaking out of his trance for the first time since they'd taken Rachel into the back.

He slowly looked around the room. It was filled with people suffering from a variety of ailments; everything from a fever to a broken arm. Normally Nathan would've pitied them; offered them soft looks of sympathy. Today Nathan couldn't stand to look at them. He'd give anything to be in here for a broken bone.

Nathan tore his eyes away. He didn't need to be caught glaring at innocent people right now. They weren't to blame. He looked down at his hands and felt his head jerk back in surprise.

_'Blood.'_

His hands were covered in blood, as was his shirt. He'd been too distracted to notice before.

Standing up on shaky legs, Nathan made his way to the front desk.

"Excuse me."

He said very quietly, not trusting himself to speak any louder.

The nurse looked up at him with gentle eyes, obviously taking in his disheveled appearance, and nodded for him to continue.

"Where's the men's room?" He asked, softly.

She pointed down the hall and told him he couldn't miss it. He barely heard her.

On his way to the men's room Nathan passed a crying girl, talking on a payphone.

Somewhere in the back of Nathan's mind, it registered that he should be calling people. Rachel had friends; she had family. He'd call Peyton. She'd know whom else to call.

Nathan pushed open the door to men's room and walked over to the sink, staring at his reflection.

His shirt and tie were stained beyond repair, his suit jacket was gone, evidence now he assumed. He'd removed it and used it to cover Rachel back in the alley.

The memory of Rachel in the alley broke Nathan from his foggy state. He suddenly realized with horrid clarity just what had happened. He was covered in blood, Rachel's blood.

His stomach lurched and he dove for the nearest stall, barely getting there in time to painfully empty is stomach. After several moments of this, Nathan spat weakly into the toilet, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the side of the stall.

"This is real." He whispered to himself, squeezing his eyes shut tight to ward off tears. He needed to pull himself together.

Pulling himself to his feet, Nathan staggered to the sink. Turning on the water he carefully washed his hands, than splashed some water onto his face. Taking a mouthful he swished it around before spitting it out, wishing momentarily for a toothbrush.

Removing his blood soaked shirt and tie; he balled them up and shoved them into the trash. He tugged at his white undershirt, checking for any signs of blood. Finally, satisfied with his appearance he left the bathroom, hand in his pocket, touching his phone. He knew what he had to do.

Leaning against the wall outside the men's room in the exact spot the crying girl had previously been, Nathan pressed number 3 on his speed dial.

_'Hey secret lover, it's 2AM, you know you can't call at this hour…'_

Nathan swallowed down tears, closing his eyes. He was about to drop a bomb on his playful sister-in-law and it was killing him.

_'Nate? You there? I'm totally kidding. Ow! I was, Luke! Jeez, a girl can't have any fun with her brother-in-law around here. Y'know, there was a time when yo-,'_

"Hey, Peyt, it's okay." He choked out, interrupting her.

He took a deep shaky breath.

"There's something you should know…" he whispered, his voice hitching.

_'Nate, what's going on? You're scaring me. Are you okay? Is it James??'_

"No, no James is safe, he's with Haley. I'm okay, I just- I found, I, she–," He felt a sob bubble up and bit his lip to keep it in.

There was silence on the other line. By process of elimination, Peyton was figuring it out.

_'Nate… where's Rachel?'_

**---**

Nathan nodded a 'thank you' to Lucas when he felt his older brother press a cup of coffee into his slack hands.

He took a large sip, scalding his tongue, and barely flinched.

Next to him, Peyton was looking through a shopping bag filled with some of Rachel's things.

Undoubtedly feeling his eyes on her, Peyton looked up at him.

"I didn't know what to bring." She admitted softly, wringing her hands. "I didn't know what she would want." She said, her voice breaking.

Luke placed his arm around her shoulder, pulling her weight against his.

"It's okay, baby. I'm sure she'll love whatever you brought." He soothed, stroking her blonde curls.

Nathan nodded.

"Yeah Peyton. Thanks for bringing them."

"Nate, how long does she have to stay here? Did the doctor say? I mean, they should be done examining her soon, shouldn't they?" Lucas asked; worry etched into his rugged face. Rachel had become almost like a sister to Luke over the years.

Nathan nodded, a little irritated.

"He said normally patients can be released once the rape kit is finished and no further medical treatment is needed, but he knocked her out…" Nathan seethed, pausing and clenching his fists.

"So they have to check out her head." He finished, unclenching his fists when he felt Peyton's small hand come to rest on his arm.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, shaking his head.

Peyton and Lucas started to respond, telling him that he didn't have to be sorry, but a voice sounding through the waiting room cut them off.

_'Rachel Gatina?'_

Nathan bolted to his feet and rushed towards the doctor, Lucas and Peyton hot on his heels.

"That's me; I mean that's us." Nathan rambled, looking at the doctor expectantly.

"Family?" The doctor asked suspiciously.

Nathan wasn't about to take this crap after waiting for hours to find out if his friend was alright.

"Yeah, we're family. This is my brother and his wife, and I'm her fiancé." He answered quickly, his tone harsh.

"We didn't notice a ring…"

"Well, I don't know, maybe her _rapist_ took it." Nathan seethed, impatiently.

The doctor looked down at his clipboard giving a curt nod.

"This way." He said, gesturing for them to follow.

After trekking through a few sets of double doors the doctor stopped by a recovery room. Outside, a makeshift waiting room was set up in the hall.

"Rachel's condition is stable, and she's doing as well as can be expected." The doctor began; pausing to make sure the group was with him.

"She'll be sore and bruised, but there are no broken bones or critical injuries. Rachel sustained a Grade 3 concussion when, we believe, her attacker kicked her in the back of the head…"

Nathan's nails dug into the palms of his hands.

"This is what caused her to lose consciousness. She came to shortly after her arrival to the ER, and so long as she's monitored carefully for the first 24 hours after release, she should be fine going home tomorrow. Some side effects you should be aware of are dizziness, nausea or vomiting and headaches. Those are all normal, but if for any reason you feel like something is wrong, don't hesitate to call for some help." The doctor finished, scribbling some notes on Rachel's clipboard and slipping it back into the holder by her door.

"She can't leave tonight?" Peyton whispered, clutching the bag of clothes close to her chest.

"I'm afraid not. Other than her head injury, physically, Rachel's alright, but -,"

"But what?" Nathan interrupted, eyes narrowed.

"Emotionally, she's not where we'd like her to be."

"Well, what's that supposed to mean? What's wrong with her? Fix her!" Nathan shouted, fatigue and worry mounting together to form a storm of fury in his chest.

"Nathan…" Lucas soothed, placing a firm hand on his brother's shoulder and willing him to calm down.

The doctor gave Lucas an appreciative look.

"We believe Rachel's suffering from RTS, or Rape Trauma Syndrome. It's akin to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and has very similar symptoms. At this point, we've been able to make the diagnosis quite clearly from her current symptoms, but we'd like to monitor her overnight to see if anymore occur."

"What kind of symptoms?" Lucas asked, trying to be the rock for his wife and brother.

"Well for one, she hasn't said a word since she woke up." The doctor said with a sigh.

"And she's very anxious, especially around men. She works herself into a frenzied state; erratic breathing, racing pulse, chest pains."

The doctor paused when he saw the horrified faces in front of him.

"We're hoping that some familiar faces will help to bring her out of it." He paused again, waiting for a response. Receiving none, he continued.

"So, one at time. You can go in and see her. It's okay." He insisted.

Nathan looked up to see Peyton and Lucas' expectant faces.

"I-I can't. Peyt, you go first." Nathan mumbled, quickly walking away and sitting in the furthest chair from the door, head in his hands.

**---**

"It's not fair." Peyton whispered, burying her face into Lucas' chest as she exited the room.

"This shouldn't have happened." She sobbed.

Nathan listened intently to the conversation between Peyton and Lucas, looking for any inkling to Rachel's condition.

His leg was shaking nervously and he was grinding his teeth so hard that he wondered if they were any smaller in his mouth.

Out of nowhere a pair of legs wearing jeans and high-heeled boots came into his line of site. He looked up.

"Nathan, you should go in and see her." Peyton whispered, reaching forward and running her fingers gently through his short hair.

"I-," Nathan coughed, clearing his throat. Words hadn't served him well tonight. "How was she?" He asked nervously, tearing at the bottom of his undershirt.

Peyton took a deep breath and looked at her feet.

"I don't really know. The doctor was right she's not talking, at all. She didn't even look at me. But on the plus side, she didn't seem afraid or freaked. Just-,"

"Not Rach." Nathan finished, his voice hoarse.

"Yeah." Peyton whispered, sitting beside him. Luke had gone off to the bathroom.

"She needs us, Nathan. We need to pull her through this." Peyton closed her eyes.

"It doesn't matter how scared we are. Imagine what it must be like to be her, Nate."

Nathan felt his stomach turn, and wondered briefly if he was going to be sick again. She was right; Rachel needed them. She needed him.

He stood up abruptly, almost knocking his chair over.

"I'll stay with her tonight, Peyt. You should go home."

"Nathan no, you don't have to. We'll all stay, take tur-,"

"No. It should be me." Nathan insisted.

'It's my fault.' He thought.

Peyton stared at him, confused.

"I have to do this." He whispered, turning and facing the door to Rachel's room.

---

Nathan sat in the cold hospital chair; his hands clasped tightly together, teeth sawing back and forth.

Rachel was asleep. Or at least he assumed she was. She was curled up with her back facing him and hadn't made a single sound or movement since he'd sat down.

In fact, the only sound in the room was the gentle buzzing and whirring of the machines around her bed.

He wondered if he should say something. If she were awake, she might be waiting for him to identify himself. But if she were asleep, it might startle her and she might panic.

This was the dilemma Nathan had been faced with for the past ten minutes.

He closed his eyes to ponder his options once more when he heard it, a soft snapping sound.

_'Her nails.'_ He remembered.

Rachel always picked at her fingernails when she was nervous, scared, or just downright bored.

She was definitely awake and that was the cue he needed.

Nathan scooted forward in his chair and gently cleared his throat.

Rachel's body almost immediately stiffened at the sound.

Nathan reached out to touch her and immediately drew his hand back just before it made contact.

_'Wrong move.'_

Nathan swallowed hard, looking closely at the girl who had become his best friend over the past four years.

He needed to fix her. He had to.

"Hey Rach, it's me, it's Nate." He whispered, his voice soft like the one he used to tuck in James at night.

He received no response, but knew she was listening.

"I want you to know, I'm going to stay here. I'll be here all night, and I won't sleep, I swear. So if you want to sleep, you don't have to be scared. I won't leave." He promised, firm resolve on his face.

He felt a tinge of hope when he saw her body visibly relax in front of him. It wasn't much, she was still curled in a ball, not speaking and not looking at him, but she was more at ease. It counted for something.

About twenty minutes passed in silence. Nathan stared at the clock, out the door, at Rachel, anything to stay awake.

He was currently counting the dots on the ceiling when he heard movement from Rachel's bed. He looked down to find her turned around, looking at him. Her expression was blank; eyes glassy.

Nathan leaned slightly forward, looking her over. Dark purple bruises were beginning to form in the corners of her eyes near the bridge of her nose. The bastard hadn't broken her nose, but he'd come about as close as you can get. Her left cheek had a deep gash in it about three quarters of an inch long, probably from a ring.

Nathan locked eyes with her, feeling his own well up with tears.

"Rach…" He whispered, unable to find the words.

"You found me." She croaked, her voice barely above a whisper. Her tone was almost questioning, as if she didn't believe it herself.

Nathan felt a tear slip down his cheek. He tentatively reached for her hand.

Rachel's eyes flickered towards his movement, watching him carefully, but not fearfully.

Sensing no signs of discontent from her, Nathan slowly closed his large hand around her smaller one.

"Of course I did." He answered with certainty, running his thumb over her limp fingers. "Of course I did."

**---**

With a good shove, Nathan wearily opened the door to his apartment. After staying up all night at the hospital looking after Rachel, he was beat.

Flicking on the light, Nathan took a quick sweep of the room and cringed at the mess; particularly his boxer shorts, which he'd thrown carelessly onto his coach the other day before work.

He looked down at the girl clinging to his left side; suddenly embarrassed about his apartments disarray. Rachel didn't even seem to notice. Her face was blank again and the only feeling Nathan could read was: tired. Nathan hadn't been the only one to stay up all night.

"Come on." He said gently. "You need to lie down."

He guided her to his bedroom, feeling his heartbreak at her slight limp.

When they reached his room Nathan eased her onto the bed, carefully helping to remove her coat. Rachel looked around her confused.

Suddenly, memories of their night a few weeks ago came flooding back to her. Her eyes widened and she gasped. Nathan looked up, her coat in his hands.

"N-no. No. No." Rachel repeated, shaking her head and looking at Nathan in fear, jumping and backing herself into a corner.

Nathan's eyes widened in alarm and confusion.

"Rach? No what? I don't un-." He paused, suddenly seeing the irony in their previous position.

_'Fucking idiot.'_ He thought.

"No, no, no, no, no." Rachel muttered, shaking her head back and forth, tears streaming down her face.

Nathan kneeled in front of her, a good three feet away, giving her space.

"Rachel, no! No." He insisted, firmly.

"I promise on my life that's not what we're doing in here. I just want you to get some sleep. Just rest." He explained, pointing to the bed.

"I'm going to be in the living room, sleeping on the coach."

Rachel looked at him, biting her lip, taking deep shaky breathes.

"I promise I'll never hurt you like that. No one will. Not ever again."

He looked into her eyes; he knew she could read him, just like he could read her. It was like silent conversation.

"I'm sorry." She whimpered, holding her knees to her chest. "I know you would never hurt me I just – I can't…" She shook her head trying to find the words to explain to him.

"Can't let your guard down completely?" He finished, understanding.

She nodded.

"We'll just take it one day at a time then." He said, standing up and offering his hand to her.

She took it, this time letting him guide her to the bed.

She looked impossibly small curled up in the center of his king sized mattress; blankets swam around her and her dark head of hair was barely visible amidst all the pillows.

Nathan stood in the doorway, about to tell her that he was in the living room if she needed anything, when he realized she was already fast asleep.

Leaving the door open a few inches so he'd be sure to hear her, Nathan walked into his living room.

With a loud yawn, he flopped face first onto his couch. Within minutes, he was out like a light.

**---**

"Mmpfaj." Nathan muttered out loud as his eyes flew open. It was dark out, the middle of the night. He'd probably slept the rest of the afternoon away and he was still beat, so what was he doing awake?

It was only a second later that he heard it.

_'Please no! Please! Stop!'_

Nathan jumped up from the couch so fast that he tripped on his coffee table landing head first into his lazy boy.

"Mother fucker." He mouthed, grabbing at his sore shin. He didn't let that deter him for long, though. Hopping over the chair he stumbled into his bedroom.

Rachel had kicked all of the blankets off the bed; she was covered in sweat and sobbing as she fought off her invisible attacker.

"Rachel! Rach, wake up!" Nathan yelled.

But it wasn't working and she was crying so hard that it was becoming difficult for her to breathe. Nathan had to wake her up.

Nathan sat on the bed beside her, and lifted her up into a sitting position. He closed his eyes and turned his head away as she tried to hit him in her sleep.

"Rachel! It's just a dream, wake up!" He yelled again, wincing as her nails dug into the side of his face.

With a gasp, Rachel's eyes flew open, but she didn't stop thrashing about and crying. If anything, she was sobbing harder and moving more now than before.

Nathan pinned her arms to her sides in a tight hug. Holding her firmly to his chest, he rocked her back and forth.

"It's okay, Rach. It's me; it's just me. You're safe. You're safe." He whispered over and over, struggling against her attempts to fight him off.

"You're safe, Rach. You're safe." He insisted, feeling her slowly stop fighting, sobs overtaking her thin frame.

"Shhh… It's okay. Everything's going to be okay." He soothed, stroking her hair, refusing to let her go.

---

**Alright guys, so I know this fic is pretty heavy, I hope you're all enjoying it and I hope I'm doing all the characters justice. Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: _Sorry this chapter is a bit shorter than the others, but I hope you like it anyways!_**

**_ I want to thank all the reviewers: mugglette, Daniella Consuela, Lorilozz, Rejobu, leytongirl, Nonna (my soul twin 3), finnlover, smuttbear, ZakiaR, Alex, RathanIsLove (it's true! it is! ha), and Ambinator. _**

**_It really means a lot to hear what you think and know that not only do you take the time to sit down and read this, but that you're actually enjoying it enough to give me such wonderful feedback! I honestly dont' know if I'd want to update as much if I didn't know I had such wonderful readers! Keep it up.  
Sarah._**

**_- - - _**

**Chapter 4**

**2 weeks later**

Rubbing sleep from his eyes, Nathan opened the front door to his apartment and poked his head outside. A baseball bat hung limply in his right hand as he surveyed the night, hearing only crickets and seeing only his car parked outside. Nathan yawned and closed the door. Propping the bat against the wall he made his way back towards the bedroom.

He sighed sadly when he heard Rachel emptying her stomach in the bathroom.

"Rach?" He called, rapping lightly against the closed bathroom door.

"No one's there. I checked."

He was met with silence and than the door slowly creaked open, revealing a Rachel that few would recognize.

Her face was ashen and her eyes wide as she clutched at her stomach and peered nervously around the room.

"It was just a dream, Rach. No one's here but us." He said gently, pulling her against his chest and rubbing her back in slow circles.

"It always feels real." She admitted after several moments, her breath warm on the bare skin of his chest.

Nathan nodded, kissing the crown of her head. She didn't have to tell him. Waking up to her kicking and screaming for help, and watching her get physically ill almost every night was all the convincing he needed.

"I'm sorry I got sick again." She whispered, face still buried in his chest, seeking the comfort in his embrace. "I tried not to."

Nathan sighed again. He wasn't angry with her, she couldn't help it, but he hated how thin she was getting. She barely ate anything, and when she did, she usually made herself sick after a nightmare, making the whole thing moot.

"I know you can't, Rach. I'm not mad; I'm just worried about you. Did you think about what I said today? Y'know about seeing someone?" He asked, gently grabbing her shoulders and moving her away from his chest so he could look at her.

She stared at the ground, gnawing at her lower lip and stubbornly avoiding the question.

"Rachel…"

She didn't look up, but made a face at the use of her whole name. Nathan almost never called her, 'Rachel.'

"I know you don't like the idea, but you've been holed up in this apartment for weeks. I mean, come on, I'm sure you miss going out with friends, aren't you sick of me yet?" He teased.

"No." she answered simply, toeing the carpet; still not meeting his eye.

"You need to talk to other people besides me. You need to dea-,"

"Do you want me to leave, Nathan?" She whispered, cutting him off. The hurt in her voice was palpable and she looked visibly paler.

"No." He said firmly, lifting her chin. She kept her eyes downcast, refusing to look at him even though she was now facing him. He could see the swell of tears building on her lower lids. He was used to this; to her almost crippling self doubt. To her reluctance to believe that he actually cared about her.

"No, I want you here. I want you here with me." He insisted.

Nathan wanted to push. He wanted to force her into therapy; wanted to do whatever he had to fix her, but he couldn't. His own familiar feelings of guilt and self-loathing ached in his gut.

If he'd only met her at the bar like he'd promised her, none of this would have happened.

"You don't have to… if you're not ready…" he said quietly, giving in.

The tears pooling in her eyes slipped down her pale cheeks as she finally let her gaze meet his.

He kissed her cheek, catching a salty tear with his lips.

"Do you trust me?" He whispered.

She nodded, leaning her forehead against his.

"Just you." She admitted, locking eyes with him.

"I won't let you down." He promised, wiping more tears away with the pad of his thumb.

"I know."

**---**

"Scott!"

Nathan jerked his head up from his desk, batting down a paper that was stuck to his cheek.

"Mr. Larsen! Good morn – afternoon. I mean afternoon." Nathan rambled, clearing his throat and rearranging some things on his desk.

"Scott, you've been calling in sick on and off these past few weeks, and when you do come in you're falling behind the eight ball. I went out on a limb for you because your grandfather is a good friend. Whatever personal problems you're dealing with, leave them at home. When you're in my office, it's time to work. I need your report on my desk by two." Mr. Larsen finished, giving Nathan a stern look.

"I'm sorry, sir. I'm so thankful for the job, really. A good friend of mine, she's going through something really terrible, and its just…" he stopped, clearing his throat. He couldn't get into this with his boss.

"It's just been difficult. But nothing I can't handle. On your desk by two, than? No problem." Nathan said, nipping the conversation in the bud.

Mr. Larsen gave him a skeptical look before turning and heading off towards his office.

With a sigh, Nathan slumped down in his chair and grabbed his phone, dialing a familiar number. After only two rings, someone answered.

"Hello?"

"What's she doing?"

"Watching Days of Our Lives. And crying."

Nathan snorted out a laugh.

"Why don't you go out and watch with her?"

"Cause… she gives me weird looks and she wants to talk about… things, and than she tries to feed me. I'm not a baby." Rachel said with a pout that Nathan could clearly picture.

"Well, maybe if you would just eat and gain a little weight, we wouldn't have to treat you like one." Nathan countered.

"You're mean." She said, sticking out her tongue.

"Don't stick your tongue out at me! It's true."

Rachel gaped, he knew her to well.

"Besides, Peyton's your best friend. She just cares about you. She's doing the best she can."

"I know…" Rachel sighed. "Everything's different now though. I can't just talk to her like before. Nothing's the same."

"You talk to me." Nathan pointed out.

"It's different."

"How?"

"It just is!"

Nathan chuckled.

"I'll be home soon. Will you please go and spend some time with her? It'll be good for you."

Rachel mumbled her general dislike for that plan.

"Okay, well it will be good for her. She misses you."

Rachel looked down at her fingernails.

"I miss her too, but I miss me more." She whispered.

Nathan was silent he understood what she meant.

"You know, I should be calling her to check on you." He teased.

"I know. Thank you."

"For what?"

"For not treating me like I'm going to break or something."

"One day at a time, right?"

"Right."

"I'll see you in few hours. GO TALK TO PEYTON!" Nathan joked.

"Fine, bye." Rachel said, stifling a giggle.

Hanging up the phone Rachel slowly swung her feet off the side of the bed. Taking a deep breath she padded towards the door, her socked feet barely making a sound.

She peeked out into the living room through the open crack in the door, peering at the back of Peyton's blonde curly head.

She nervously chewed at the sleeve of Nathan's large gray hooded sweatshirt, which hung loosely on her thin frame.

Finally she pushed open the door, wincing as it creaked and Peyton immediately whipped around to face her.

"Rachel! You're up!" Peyton grinned and than immediately started to look her over.

"Is everything okay?" Peyton asked, eying her carefully.

Rachel realized she must look like a five year old, standing there chewing on her sleeve. She quickly dropped her hand to her side.

"Um, yeah. I just wanted to come say hi." She said quietly, looking at Peyton for only a moment before diverting her eyes to the ground.

Peyton muted the TV.

"Oh, well I'm glad you did. Did you sleep well?" Peyton asked, shifting awkwardly on Nathan's couch.

Rachel nodded even though she hadn't been sleeping. Sleep and Rachel were not on good terms.

"Do you um, do you want to watch TV? Or a movie?" Peyton offered, gesturing to the seat next to her.

Rachel thought about it for a second before nodding and looking up to meet Peyton's sad eyes.

"You're not doing anything wrong, you know…" Rachel said quietly, letting the large sleeves of Nathan's sweatshirt cover her small hands and hide their fidgeting.

Peyton cocked her head to the side, confused.

"I…"

"With me. I mean, with me. It's not your fault that I'm like this." Rachel tried to explain.

"It's like there's this fog separating me from the way I used to be; the way I used to think and act." She continued, her voice hoarse.

"Nathan's helping me though." She said confidently, meeting Peyton's eyes again. "I'm going to be fine. I am." She repeated firmly, curling up in the lazy boy next to the couch. She was willing to sit with Peyton and watch a movie, even give her a glimpse into her thoughts, but she wasn't ready to let herself get too close.

Peyton sat there silent, watching Rachel carefully; thinking about what she had said.

Rachel assumed when she was done processing, she would just flick on the TV and the conversation would be over.

After a few moments, Peyton spoke.

"I felt like that after Psycho Derek." Peyton responded, looking at Rachel with different eyes, eyes that were filled with understanding, not sympathy.

"I felt like he took a part of me, a part of me that I could never get back. Nobody understood, and the sympathetic looks and whispers in the hallways, they got to be too much. It was like it only made it worse, more real." Peyton recalled.

"Lucas was there, he understood. Even if he didn't, I could always trust him. Even if he couldn't protect me, he'd die trying." She continued with a soft smile, thinking of her husband.

Rachel brought one sleeve-covered hand to her nose, breathing in the scent of Nathan's cologne as she listened.

"Nathan would do that for you." Peyton finished, her tone gentle, honest.

"He's a good friend," Rachel said absently, looking out the window. "He's already done too much. I don't deserve him."

"Rachel, you're not some charity case to Nathan! He really cares. Don't you know that?" Peyton asked, surprised.

Rachel remained quiet for a few moments, collecting her thoughts, battling the fog.

"He does, but…" She trailed off. "I keep wondering when the shocks going to where off, y'know? When am I supposed to get over this? When is he supposed to be able to go on with his life?"

"When you do." Peyton said simply.

"Can we watch a movie now?" Rachel said wearily, curling deeper into the cushions of the chair.

"Sure." Peyton said softly, grabbing the remote and flicking through the movie channels until she found a comedy.

"And Rachel?"

Rachel turned her head to look at the blonde.

"It does get easier. The fog will clear."

**---**

To say Nathan was tired would be the understatement of the century. He and Rachel barely slept anymore due to her nightmares. She always told him to go back to sleep when she woke up after one, but he could never let her go through anything alone. He worried too much. He knew no matter how tired he was, she was feeling it ten fold. She was practically wasting away.

With a yawn he lifted his head from his steering wheel and trudged up to his apartment. With a click, he opened his a shuffled inside, dropping his keys on the counter and loosening his tie.

"Hey, how was work?" Peyton asked, turning around from where she was fiddling in the kitchen.

"Long." Nathan grunted, looking at the clock. It was already seven PM. With Peyton's consent that everything at the apartment was copasetic, Nathan had stayed late to play catch up.

"You look almost as bad as Rachel." Peyton observed, pouring him a cup of coffee.

Nathan quickly lifted his head up from his hands and looked around the room.

"She's in the lazy-boy. Passed out about twenty minutes into 'My Best Friends Wedding.'" Peyton chuckled, pointing to the chair with its back facing them.

"Good. She needs to sleep." Nathan said absently, standing up. "I should take her to bed."

As he rounded the chair he couldn't help but smile when he saw her sleeping peacefully, curled up in his old college sweatshirt. Bending down he easily lifted her slight form into his arms.

He frowned at how light she'd become. Soft curves had given way to sharp angles and the outline of ribs that he could feel even through his bulky sweatshirt. The fear that she was somehow starving to death almost made Nathan want to wake her up and force-feed her, but the dark circles under her eyes convinced him otherwise.

Placing her gently on her side of the bed, he tucked blankets around her and watched her for a second, making sure that she was still sound asleep, before returning to the living room.

"Did she eat today?" Nathan asked immediately upon his reentrance to the kitchen.

Peyton looked up from where she was gathering her things.

"No…" She said apologetically.

Nathan sighed clenching his jaw and closing his eyes.

"I tried Nate, I always do. I even made some of her favorites, but I swear I thought she was going to throw up at the site of them. I wasn't about to make my friend get sick." She defended.

"I know!" He hissed. "But that's the problem. She's so used to not eating now that it's getting harder and harder."

Peyton sighed, chewing on her lower lip.

"Maybe we're thinking about this the wrong way. I mean, it's not like Rachel has an eating disorder or something, Nathan. She's trying, but the nausea is a symptom of the trauma she's still dealing with. And I'm sure her lack of sleep isn't helping either."

"I'm so glad you could clear that up for me, Peyt," Nathan said dryly. "What do you propose we do about it?"

Peyton smacked Nathan's shoulder.

"Don't be short with me! I'm trying to figure this out with you Nathan. All I know is that this isn't enough anymore." She said gesturing around the apartment.

Nathan stood up angrily.

"I'm doing the best I can!" He hissed, trying to keep his voice down.

"It's not enough! You're not a doctor! You can't just make this go away!" Peyton hissed back.

Nathan looked up at the ceiling, clenching his jaw and blinking back tears.

"She's not ready to go see someone, Peyt. She trusts me and I promised her I wouldn't let her down." He choked out.

Peyton softened and reached for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"If you really care about her and don't want to let her down, than you know that you can't do this alone anymore." She whispered.

He wiped angrily at a tear running down his cheek and rubbed his eyes.

"I should go. Get some rest, Nathan." Peyton said, grabbing her purse and coat before quietly exiting the apartment.

Nathan crept slowly to his bedroom and stood in the doorway watching Rachel sleep for a few minutes. His stomach churned with indecision and guilt. How could he do the right thing for her if the right thing meant breaking a promise to her?

Stepping away from the doorframe Nathan undressed down to his boxers and climbed into bed beside her.

Reaching over, he gently pushed a stray piece of dark chocolaty hair behind her ear. She murmured softly in her sleep, reacting unconsciously to his touch and shifting closer to him. Nathan closed the distance and wrapped a heavy arm around her tiny waist, pulling her weight against his. She snuggled into his chest and sighed contentedly. She slept the entire night through for the first time since the rape.

Nathan remained awake, alone with his thoughts.

**- - - **

**Please, please, please review! 3  
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